“Balance...or at least a start...”

I still smile. It’s rare, it’s often only half way but yeah, it still happens. It used to be more often and with more people but that’s life sometimes. You have loss, gain, love, pain, happiness & all the things in between.

I’m trying to find more balance in what I’ve seen, see & hope to see. Some things are both good and bad. A great deal of them are. So I focus on those more and let the “end of the spectrum” things go...I’m already bipolar so finding the medium is a healthy way to be in those things and also in the moments.

It’s no easy task considering how my brain works and, unfortunately, how it’s been sculpted due to circumstances & such. Alas, this is reality. Pain is relavent and inescapable so we deal with it and move forward. I’m absolutely in pain and it shows. I explain my feelings and people just kinda go “oh, wow...that’s heavy, let me know if I can help”. That makes things slightly better. I say “thanks” and then go back to processing silently. It’s my burden and I make the choice to do so as I see fit.

It’s cool. It’s life and so be it.

Whatever happens...happens. I do what I can and try my best not to stress things the same toxic ways that I have in the past.

I’m by NO means perfect or remotely close.

It’s day by day.

I’m being in the now and that’s just fine.