“Current Mood: Self-Loathing”

Today made me absolutely hate myself. Truly loathe myself so much that it’s sickening.

I worked to clear out an apartment in an assisted living community and that process involved a massive downsize of a person’s, a human’s, items that can be traced back to and through so much the world has had to tempt someone to concede to.

We had to “rid” this person of their memories, “help” them minimize their life, “make” things “easier” on them.

I can’t say that I 100% agree with these terms in their entirety. I feel like a piece of shit & I own it.

It started with the NUMEROUS boxes of books. Literature of all kinds. Collected items from around the world. Depression Glass. High Tea sets. Paintings. Decorations. Etc.

On at least four occasions I had to walk outside into the cold air of the Blue Ridge, freezing under the pressure of my sweaty shirts and hair, just so I didn’t start crying. I felt like a monster. I STILL feel like a monster. I felt like an officer of the Third Reich...burning the pages of history, love, spiritualism, intelligence & knowledge.

I sold out today and I hope I pay the price for it sooner than later. I fucking hate me right now.