“Sagan Stat”

So I’ve been paying attention to the cosmos more this year...granted it started last year but this year I’m more eyes, ears & insides open.

Wow...right?!

So I’m examining my problems and looking at things with a clear mind. Making no excuses. Not defending myself. Being a single speck of star dust, I am above no other piece of the universe. To go with the highs and lows, happy and sad, heavy & light...that’s what it is. The way that I react and process these things has to be better than before and tomorrow the same, so on and so on.

This isn’t new. I was warned by someone incredibly important and I chose to not see or hear it. That was solely my loss. Mine and mine alone. I see this, acknowledge this, regret this and grieve those I lost due to my own selfish, hardheaded stupidity.

Yes. Stupidity is different from ignorance.

The ignorant can be educated, the stupid are educated but chose to be bulls in response.

For this I owe you endless apology, not with words but with visible, tangible actions.

So today I face the face that this around the time when someone new was to begin their journey. Unfortunately I added undue stress and negativity into the path of the new journey and in doing so halted it before it even had a chance. I stole happiness. Put up defenses. Echoed distance. Lit fire to the rope that was strengthening our climb.

I can never undo it. I can never bring a light to heal that. That is one of my biggest regrets and hang ups. I can’t fix it and there will never be a breathable avenue to ease the pain and sorrow.