“...With a Bullet”

No answers.

I feel like I should be finalizing my will.

What a joke...leave nothing but the cost of moving...now I know I’m trash. Christian, my son, is going thru enough...why would I dump duties on him...her...HIM!!!

Fuck!!! Kill me for not seeing this coming!!!

How dare I disrespect HIS wishes?!?!?!?!?!?!

I see my daughter being a man...I’m so proud. I’m so frightened because I don’t know why to do, say, advise, present, properly explain...

I have so much uncertainty.

Again, I apologize for being selfish, ignorant, Ill informed and just absolutely flat out dumb.

Like: bib, helmet & wheelchair retarded.

Yup. That happened. I DONT REGRET IT. I’m moving backwards...I see him growing, being comfortable in HIS skin and all I can do is relive what was.

ZERO anger. ZERO regret. ZERO intolerance.

I’m mad at me for not being more okay. I see my daughter becoming a man and miss when that awesomely brave tomboy stopped coming to me for help...guidance...comfort...

Did I do what was right, just, proper & fullfiling for HIM?!?!?!

It’s been said that if you have no questions about your parenting the you’re doing right because you don’t dare assume that you’re perfect.

I’m so saint...keep in mind:

 “Jesus was homies with Judas”. (D Smoke)

But that’s have to question:

“Is acceptance enough & what more can be done to ensure HIS safety, tolerance & acceptance into this world?!?!?!

Have I done it all?!?!

What else?!?!?!

I’m at a loss. I’m unsure of it all.

I only hope that HE doesn’t fall victim to our predispositions...our bloodline of faults and failures...our cowardice and addictions.

My biggest fear is having lost children and the leads those still, physically here, into Dante’s playground.

Please, don’t judge innocent hearts in the shadow of the demon that carried them under wings of blood, hate, tribulation and barbed wire.