“Currents”

My heart beats in currents of black and blue. Each and flow of the tides draw away debris from my shores and carry them out to sea to be lost forever as most things now are. This is a solid, aching reality. I know my place and I stand in it for as long as I must. Solitary. Shattered and shoveled over with dust. Even the sun seems dull and murky. A star turned 40 watt and lost behind the fog of my mind.

I spend most of my time watching the horror movies in my head. Replays of the worst scenes money could buy. Marathons of monolithic demise. Terror in all it’s intestine ripping glory. That keeps me honest and steadfast in my word. Never again. Not built for it. Don’t know how to do it...never will. This is the reality now.

Cold sweat, burning flesh, shallow gasps & momentary rest before it happens again. I can hear the laughter. I know it’s happening every single time this...atrocious...mind wills a way to speak and write. Sadly that doesn’t faze me anymore. I expect it and doubt otherwise. It’s what is now and forever more. Empty space, silent movies, an anatomical outline of what once was.

I shrug.

I stay incomplete.

I know loss.

I get what I get.

I’m sorry Peach-Cream.

That’s all this is now...sorrow.

Yes, I know you don’t care.

Yes, I know you’re better.

Yes, I know the score.

Yes, I still know what I feel.

Again, I’m so sorry Peach-Cream.