“To You…you special person…”

“Five Years”

Hey baby, uh, it's me…Um, our anniversary's comin' up, it's a pretty big one. And, um, I wrote a song for youSo I'm just leaving you this voicemail because, um, I want the song to begin with this voicemail…Like, I want the voicemail to play at the beginning of it. So, if you could just download this voicemail when you get it and then text it to me. Um, you might need to, like, download another app to download the⁠—I don't know if you can rip your voicemail right off your phone, you might need to, like—Just Google it, don't call me and ask me. Cause I know, I know what you're gonna do…You're gonna, you're gonna get this. And you're gonna think you just can't do it. And you're gonna call me, but then I'm just gonna Google it. So, just you Google it, you're an adult, you can figure it out. Um, so just, figure it out and text me the voicemail. Um, immediately, if you wouldn't mind. Like, right when you get this. Thank you, um, I love you, bye

You're my best friend, I love you (Love you)

You know me and I know you (Know you)

We got problems that we've been through (Been through)

We got shit that we'll get through, uh

You think I'm rude to you

You think I am the worst

Because I ask when you suck my dick

You take out your Invisalign first

Come on

Five years, five years

Still you, still me, still here

Five years, five years, baby

Five years, five years

We order Chinese, I'm eating my dumplings

You reach over and you take my dumpling

You don't even say, "Do you mind?" or nothing

Why would you assume that you're entitled to a dumpling?So I look at you, you look back at me, like, "What the fuck did I do?" If you really wanted some dim sum, then…You really should've gotten some when we put in the order

You say, "You're a psycho and I-I don't wanna fight. So, let's just drop this, it's not a big deal"

"Okay, but for the record…You owe me a dumpling, I mean it, I won't forget…You owe me a dumpling or a dumpling equivalent"

Five years, five years

Still you, still me, still here

Five years, five years, baby

Five years, five years

We found a spider in the house

You freaked and you jumped up onto the couch

Since I was close and able…I jumped up on the coffee table. You said, "You should kill that"

I said, "Um, no, fuck that". You said, "Come on, be a man". What? You're a total anti-sexist, a patriarchy fighter.But your whole worldview collapses…The moment there's a spider, cool

I get it, this is the real you. It's a pleasure, nice to meet you. Shit like this brings the movement down. Everyone's a feminist until there is a spider around

Five years, five years

Still you, still me, still here

Five years, five years, baby

Five years, five years

How come every time I need to take a poo in the bathroom. You out of the blue need to use the bathroom? Just use the guest room bathroom. That's why we got two bathrooms. Just use the guest room bathroom. That's why we got two bathrooms. And you know