“Twenty Four Months”

This train of though comes up from time to time. Remembering what led up to and when the time came that I felt that I had to move on from a chapter of my life. I didn’t 100% want to turn that page, however, I did in fact make the decision to leave the relationship I was in and go it alone. There were several reasons for this.

So it’s been almost twenty four months since I made the announcement final and prepared myself to uproot, start over and begin again…without the want or energy to look for another relationship, without the drive to be in the market of looking for love or even companionship. I made it clear to my last partner that there wouldn’t be another person and to this day it stands just as true as when I first said it.

Now I won’t sit here and try to bullshit around and say that I’m at my best or even my happiest. That would be a full fledged lie at its finest. I do feel alone and lonesome on a regular basis. I miss having someone to come home to, have real adult conversations with, wake up to and fall asleep with. Alas, this is no longer the case and that’s something I have to live with and work thru on my own.

Sometimes I feel super heavy. Other times I feel like I’m unchained. There are absolutely good and bad issues with each feeling I have. It is what it is and that’s just fine. I keep the happy memories in my mind and remember that the world does have good things and people in it. I also remind myself that you can’t have everything all the time and sometimes things have to change so that you, them or both of you can be better.

For me, as long as I wake up and have another day to live and grow I’m good. It’s a long lonesome road to healing and changing the things about yourself that are toxic and un-needed to have a happy, healthy, productive and worthwhile life. I hope to one day day that I’m a much better person than I was. One day I hope to be able to say that old me is completely dead and never coming back.

xoxo 😘